Laughing has always been considered by theologians as a crime.

There are treasures in books that all the money in the world cannot buy, but the poorest laborer can have for nothing.

I cannot see why we should expect an infinite God to do better in another world than he does in this.

No man of sense in the whole world believes in devils any more than he does in mermaids, vampires, gorgons, hydras, naiads, dryads, nymphs, fairies, the Fountain of Youth, [or] the Philosopher's Stone. . . .

While I am opposed to all orthodox creeds, I have a creed myself; and my creed is this. Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so. This creed is somewhat short, but it is long enough for this life, strong enough for this world. If there is another world, when we get there we can make another creed.

The history of intellectual progress is written in the lives of infidels.

It may be that ministers really think that their prayers do good, and it may be that frogs imagine that their croaking brings spring.