What we have here is a rousing boy's adventure story, adapted from stories that Edgar Rice Burroughs cranked out for early pulp magazines. They lacked the visceral appeal of his Tarzan stories, which inspired an estimated 89 movies; amazingly, this is the first John Carter movie, but it is intended to foster a franchise and will probably succeed.

People send me e-mails saying, "You're a movie critic. You don't know anything about politics." Well, you know what, I'm 60 years old, and I've been interested in politics since I was on my daddy's knee. During the 1948 election, we were praying for Truman. I know a lot about politics.

The problem with being sure that God is on your side is that you can't change your mind, because God sure isn't going to change His.

I know aliens from other worlds are required to arrive in New Mexico, but why stay there?

It is human nature to look away from illness. We don't enjoy a reminder of our own fragile mortality.

Under no circumstances will I ever purchase anything offered to me as the result of an unsolicited e-mail message. Nor will I forward chain letters, petitions, mass mailings, or virus warnings to large numbers of others. This is my contribution to the survival of the online community.

In the best of all possible worlds, directors would obsess about the quality of their storytelling, and not the details of their technical methods.