Stop looking for something out there and begin seeing within.
Pale sunlight, pale the wall. Love moves away. The light changes I need more grace than I thought.
Stay with friends who support you in these. Talk with them about sacred texts, and how you are doing, and how they are doing, and keep your practices together.
Tis easy to break an idol, very easy: to regard the self as easy to subdue is folly, folly.
To love is human. To feel pain is human. Yet to still love despite the pain is pure angel.
Know the true definition of yourself. That is essential. Then, when you know your own definition, flee from it.