The fact that we're spending $700 billion a year on oil is actually a good thing; it means we have the prosperity to do it. It means that oil's being used, and oil is the fuel for the engine of freedom.

You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.

What is a fair shot for a job applicant? An interview? Or getting the job? See, with Obama, the opportunity is not what's fair; it's the outcome. He's gonna dictate the outcome. And the premise is that the longest term unemployed person is the one who's been screwed the most. These evil employers have got something against these people that have been out of work the longest. And Obama's here to level that playing field. So if you're out of work longer than anybody else, that's all that matters. You are at the top of the hiring list.

The more dependent you are, the more ignorant you must be, and that's how they want you.

Forget nerds on Facebook. You're never gonna persuade 'em. They're never gonna like Donald Trump. They're always gonna razz you about it. They're losers. Do not allow your happiness to be determined and defined by what these people on Facebook say.

You can criticize Trump and his wealth all day long, but you can't say he hasn't worked. You can say that about the Clintons.

He discusses his service in Iraq, the wounds he suffered there and he says to me in this ad, until you have the guts to call me a phony soldier to my face, stop telling lies about my service. You know, this is such a blatant use of a valiant combat veteran, lying to him about what I said, and then strapping those lies to his belt, sending him out via the media and a TV ad, to walk into as many people as he can walk into.