You might have some people that disagree with populism and anti-globalism and so forth, but Donald Trump has no desire to undermine America.

My dad and some teachers were constantly pushing me to do better than I was doing because they all knew that I could. I was not interested in what they wanted me to do well in at the time, but still, the concept that there's a great land of opportunity out there, and all you have to do is go attack it, was not something foreign to me. It's why I'm one of the few members of my family that left home.

Let the unskilled jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do — let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work.

I'm just warning you here: Don't anybody ask about the president's religion! Don't even get close to going there. Don't do it. That is a forbidden area. You cannot even ask about it.

It's why I left TV. I couldn't handle everybody telling me what I should have done after they watched me on TV. I said, "You're not even watching what I think I'm doing, so I'm out."

Barack Obama says he's gonna stay in Washington, but presidents don't stay in Washington. Presidents, they get out of there as fast as they can, 'cause it's like a prison to them. And Michelle Obama's even said as much about the White House. So the fact that he's gonna stay there has always told me that he's gonna stay there to protect his legacy, whatever it is, and that he's not gonna observe the age-old protocols of standing aside and staying silent for awhile while the new president takes office.

You know how old I am? I'm so old, I remember when Letterman used to be funny and it was presidents who were serious. That's how old I am.