I hear all of these liberals so concerned with people's health and so critical of tobacco cause it kills, it's deadly, and secondhand and third, and they've created a bunch of insane people out there. I'm telling you, liberalism has created literally deranged people afraid of everything. I mean it makes no sense to be afraid of secondhand smoke a hundred yards away from it. They have created this. They have created this inordinate fear of ordinary, everyday life.

Ideal women: 36-24-36, five foot seven, flat spot on top of the head, deaf mute. The flat spot on the top of the head is for your drink.

I have a question for Republicans running for the House and the Senate. I'm asking this question with genuine sincerity: Why should people vote for you? It's clear that you don't want to stop Hillary Clinton.

Early in my career, when I was still learning about politics, when I was wet behind the ears and naive... Up until the time I started radio show, nobody that knew me ever thought I was a hatemonger or a racist or homophobic or sexist or bigoted or any of that. Nobody. There wasn't anybody. Six months after being on the radio with this program, I'd become all of that. And I remember.

I've always said that liberalism is one of the most gutless choices you can make. All you have to do to be acknowledged as a good liberal is to see suffering and tell people you see it, and that will convey you have a big heart and that you care and that you're troubled.

People came to America and they did not abandon their own cultures, but they assumed new ones, a new one, an American culture rooted in liberty and freedom that they had never enjoyed in their lives prior. They didn't have to sacrifice who they were. They didn't have to change or give it up, but they were eager to become Americans.

You see how Hillary Clinton tried to jump on Jeb Bush for talking about "anchor babies"? Hillary tweeted, "They aren't called 'anchor babies.' They're called 'babies,'" which is a bit ironic given that Hillary's a big supporter of Planned Parenthood where "babies" are called "tissue mass" and, what, "unviable cells"? Whatever it is.