Of all the people expressing their mental vacuity, none has a better excuse for an empty head than the newspaperman: If he pauses to restock his brain, he invites onrushing deadlines to trample him flat. Broadcasting the contents of empty minds is what most of us do most of the time, and nobody more relentlessly than I.

Ireland really is my problem; the breaking point of the huge suppuration which all British and all European society now is

The sinister nature of the American soil is apparent in places like Gettysburg. Fertilize it with the blood of heros, and it brings forth a frozen-custard stand.

I am sitting here 93 million miles from the sun on a rounded rock which is spinning at the rate of 1000 miles an hour... and my head pointing down into space with nothing between me and infinity but something called gravity which I can't even understand, and which you can't even buy any place so as to have some stored away for a gravityless day.

Skins tanned to the consistency of well-traveled alligator suitcases.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

Etiquette is the grease that makes it possible for all of us to rub together without unnecessary overheating.