No one shuts their laptop after looking at pornography and says, 'What a productive time I just spent connecting with the world!'

I want to change the world, and do something valuable and beautiful. I want people to remember me before I'm dead, and then more afterwards.

Even in name, he seems like a Victorian oddity. "Igor, fetch 'the Crouch' from the catacombs, we're going to the graveyard".

My life is just a series of embarrassing incidents strung together by telling people about those embarrassing incidents.

The economy is just a metaphorical device, it’s not real. That's why it's got the word con in it.

If you're a drug addict, then you've always got drugs, so you're a criminal. So you're gonna get into problems.

I really, really love children and I think probably among children is when I feel mostly berated. It's not like I feel like oh, there's some children here. I have to tone it down. I go nuts with children especially when I ain't got none. So when I'm round my mates' children, I jest them kids up first. I swear at them, I get more worked up, I say crazy stuff to them, fill their heads with nonsense and then I leave them.