Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you're going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.

Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it.

Where would the Rockefellers be today if old John D. had gone on selling short-weight kerosene ... to widows and orphans instead of wisely deciding to mulct the whole country.

We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries.

I don't know where we're going or how we'll get there, but when we get there we'll be there - and that's something, even if it's nothing.

I found the pearl of the Orient slightly less exciting than a rainy Sunday evening in Rochester.

Only the scenario writers are exempt. These are tied between the tails of two spirited Caucasian ponies, which are then driven off in opposite directions. This custom is called a conference.