‎"Is it possible to both want and not want something at the same time? For desire to ride with fear?

Whatever enjoyment I might have had at the time would disappear overnight like snow melting on a warm roof.

I closed my eyes and abandoned myself to my grief. It felt better, somehow, to be helpless. I didn't feel ashamed.

There were never going to be any happy endings for me. I know that now. But that is all right.

‎"Is it possible to both want and not want something at the same time? For desire to ride with fear?

What are we, if not an accumulation of our memories?

I cannot imagine how I will cope when I discover that my life is behind me, has already happened, and I have nothing to show for it. No treasure house of collection, no wealth of experience, no accumulated wisdom to pass on. What are we, if not an accumulation of our memories?