People who do comedy really are the nastiest people on the planet.

Y'know, every relationship is different. There are good marriages, bad marriages, connected partners, unconnected partners.

Everything in large doses is gonna kill you. Even happiness.

My job is not to talk smack about anything. This is why I dislike strongly doing magazine articles: My personality does not translate to print. People don't read it as sarcasm, and it just comes off badly.

I have these big piano-playing hands. I feel like I should be picking potatoes.

I have achieved everything through either hard work or luck.

Nobody can make me cry in public. I'll punch them first before they make my mascara smear.