here are the top three global resources getting scarcer in the twenty-first century: ozone layer, rain forest, people eager to read the fiction of others. That's right, folks. For the first time in I believe written history, there are far more fiction writers on earth than fiction readers.

Panic is efficient. Panic is effective. Panic is the way I get things done! Panic attacks are my booster rockets!

living in Los Angeles was like being an extra in a movie that was starring other people entirely.

Recently it was pointed out to me - in a kind of hurtful way, to be honest - that people in Los Angeles are aurally challenged. That is, at social events, we simply do not listen to others. We do not ask them questions about themselves, we do not nod attentively when they speak; really, if we were to examine ourselves, we would realize that we simply have no interest in others at all.

All autobiography is fiction.

Los Angeles is the nation's cultural scapegoat.

When faced with writer's block, lower your standards and keep going.