If I were elected President, the first thing I would do would be to set up a Department of Restoring the Bill of Rights. I would have 10,000 people working there.

Rule number something or other -- never tell anybody anything unless you're going to get something better in return.

I believe in the dull lie - make your story boring enough and no one will question it.

Live disasters are wonderful attractions when you're safe on the other side of them.

When you feel lousy, puppy therapy is indicated.

Around the time I turned 30, I wanted to publish a novel

All food starting with p is comfort food: pasta, potato chips, pretzels, peanut butter, pastrami, Pizza, pastry.