As if he was beating me to the punch, his words living forever, while I was left speechless, no rebuttal, no words left to say.

I tried to hold myself apart, showing only what I wanted, doling out bits and pieces of who I was. But that only works out for so long. Eventually, even the smallest fragments can't help but, make a whole.

But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening.

I'd chosen instead to just change my route, go miles out of the way, as if avoiding it would make it go away once and for all.

I always thought I was different.

I jammed my hand in my jacket pocket, bracing myself fo the next hit, and fel something. Something grainy and samll, sticking to the tips of my fingers: the sand from Commons Park. Oh Cass, I thought. I miss you so, so much.

When you have a kid, you sign on for the whole package: good, bad, everything in between. you can't just dip in and out, picking and choosing the parts you want and quitting when it's not perfect.