Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

And they all lived happily ever after (barring death, divorce, arrest for tax fraud, that incident with the pool boy...)

Real life is sometimes boring, rarely conclusive and boy, does the dialogue need work.

How many fingers am I holding up?" he inquired. Lucille regarded him blearily and said, "Avocado.

Personally, I'd prefer a guy who wants to see my boobs.

Also, vampires don't eat food. You never get to eat chocolate again. Ever. I'd rather die.

Honestly, Jared, one thing at a time. Why are you in a well with me? This is a really bad rescue!" [...] "I called the police as I was running to the well. I'm sure they're coming." "Did they say they were coming?" Kami asked suspiciously. "Or did you shout, 'Kami's in the well!' before jumping in the well too, thus loosing your phone and making sure the police think it was some kids playing a dumb joke?" Jared paused. [...] "Alternate plan," Jared said. "Do you have a very intelligent collie who might communicate through a system of barks to your parents that little Kami is in the well?