My dear girl, there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit. That's just as bad as listening to the Beatles without earmuffs!

Laughter kills fear, and without fear there can be no faith. For without fear of the devil there is no need for God.

There are women who take it to the wire. That's what they are looking for, the ultimate confrontation. They want a smack.

There's something fundamentally wrong with a system where there's been 17 years of a Tory Government and the people of Scotland have voted Socialist for 17 years. That hardly seems democratic.

I suppose I'll be able to get a drink there... I told the stewardess liquor for three... Who are the other two?...Oh, there are no other two

I never trashed a hotel room or did drugs.

My view is that to get anywhere in life you have to be anti-social, otherwise you'll end up being devoured. I've never been particularly social, anyway, but if I've ever been rude, fifty per cent of it has usually been provoked by other people's attitudes. Though I do admit, like most Celts, I'm moody. It's fine until people try to cheer you up with gems like, 'snap out of it' or 'Come on, now'.