Though my wife thinks I'm mad, I know I'll drop my daughter to the parties she's invited to. I'll want her friends to say, "Wow what a handsome father you have!" When she's with her boyfriend in the backseat of our car, I'll be at the wheel, driving her around.

The problem with success is that you lose the capacity to fail and the capacity to surprise people. So, if I'm able to surprise myself every day, I can surprise you as well. If I enjoy someone's work and they offer me their project, I do it. So what's the point of the supposed creativity? If Mona Lisa could be made by anyone, then it wouldn't have been the most beautiful painting in the world. The knowledge that you can fail can make you come first.

Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.

Awards that ignore me are losers.

When I asked Imran Khan for an autograph he picked up his bat to hit me.

So I am hoping my second outing to your wonderful university turns out differently, because it would be highly embarrassing if I said, “Good evening Yaleites” or “Yalers”, or whatever you guys are called, and got stuck at Yaaaaa…. That wouldn’t make for much of a speech.

Recently an actor asked me to teach him how to speak fast. Wasn't I once criticised for speaking too fast? Now they're doing it my way.