A writer from ESPN magazine once described me as the world's largest eleven-year-old. That's true. I ride my Sea-Doo jet ski, play putt-putt golf, go to water parks, and act silly. On the bottom floor of my house in Beverly Hills, I have video games, a pool table, a Pepsi machine, and all the things they have in arcades. I drive go-karts, at least the ones I can fit in. I karate-chop my friends when they come over, like the Kato dude in the Pink Panther movies.

A pinch is a pinch. If you pinch my right nipple, I'm going to say, 'ouch.' If I pinch your right nipple, you're going to say 'ouch.' A foul is a foul and a flagrant is a flagrant.

I'm not going to try to go out there and outdo him. I don't have to try to outdo him, I'm Shaq.

If you go 72-11 and don't win (the championship), it doesn't mean anything. Actually it does. It means you've cheated and played an extra regular-season game.

You know how I be. Last week Kobe couldn't do without me.

We're focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it's not good enough to get you fat. We're trying to get fat.

Doesn't matter. If I would've had a beer before the game, I would've been drunk. So I don't believe in 'if.'