Elvis is bound to be dead. Look at all the vultures in his vicinity.

You take a handful of rocks and put them in a jar. Then once a week, you take one tiny pebble out of the jar and throw it away. When the jar is empty, why, you'll just about be over your grief. ... Time alone will do if you're short on rocks.

Romulan or Vulcan?' the ushers asked each guest. Marion, who had been poised to say 'friends of the bride' had responded to the question with an open-mouthed stare, and Jay Omega answered, 'Klingon!" which got them seats in the back row of the Romulan side.

Trying to act normal is the most unnatural behavior of all.

I wonder which is worse-the death, not knowing what comes after, or the wedding, when you think you know, but you're wrong.

Maybe staying single meant that you never had to grow up.

anger is more productive than fear.