The way I write is totally instinctive. I just write what I feel or what I find funny - and hope everyone else agrees.

I bet he never goes on YouTube. He's too busy. It's only tragic cases like you and me who are always online.

People who want to make a million borrow a million first

I'm sitting at the dinner table, wearing my future mother-in-law's underwear. It's like some twisted dream that you wake up and thinkL Crikey Moses! Thank God that didn't really happen!

For years now I've kind of operated under an informal shopping cycle. A bit like a farmer's crop rotation system. Except, instead of wheat, maize, barley, and fallow, mine pretty much goes clothes, makeup shoes, and clothes (I don't bother with fallow). Shopping is actually very similar to farming a field. You can't keep buying the same thing, you have to have a bit of variety. Otherwise you get bored and stop enjoying yourself.

My life has changed, and I'm changing with it.

There’s no such thing as ruining your life. Life’s a pretty resilient thing, it turns out.