I see [my pen] as an extension of my musculature. It's like being a painter. It's the closest I can get to my breath.

Skiing is better than sex actually, because for me a good round of sex might be seven minutes. Skiing you can do for seven hours.

All the beautiful waitresses existed like eternal responsibilities.

I fantasize about going back to high school with the knowledge I have now. I would shine. I would have a good time, I would have a girlfriend. I think that's where a lot of my pain comes from. I think I never had any teenage years to go back to.

To be famous is to be stuck in an inflexible place. But at least it is to be stuck with money.

I see [my pen] as an extension of my musculature. It's like being a painter. It's the closest I can get to my breath.

Real life has always let me down. That's why I do the monologues. I have always said I would rather tell a life than live a life. But I have to live a life in order to tell one.