If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

I feel like dying when I'm helpless

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again.

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.