Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.

I wonder what it will be like when I leave this place.

Sometimes, I look outside, and I think that a lot of other people have seen this snow before. Just like I think that a lot of other people have read those books before. And listened to those songs. I wonder how they feel tonight.

I wanted to laugh. Or maybe get mad. Or maybe shrug at how strange everyone was, especially me.

And I could see this boy doing his homework and thinking about my sister naked. And I could see them holding hands at football games that they do not watch. And I could see this boy throwing up in the bushes at a party house. And I could see my sister putting up with it. And I felt very bad for both of them.

I wish I knew. It might make me miss him more clearly. It might have made sad sense.

I want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you, okay?