Sex without smiling is as sickly and as base as vodka and tonic without ice.

The only reason people do not know much is because they do not care to know. They are incurious. Incuriousity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is.

Supporting the English cricket team is like supporting a second division football team. I support Norwich City football team and when they lose I really don't mind because I expect them to; but when we win I'm so happy - much happier than any Arsenal supporter could ever be.

You've just had the most imponderable joy of watching charlieissocoollike, which makes you, like, cool.

Oscar Wilde quite rightly said, 'All art is useless'. And that may sound as if that means it's something not worth supporting. But if you actually think about it, the things that matter in life are useless. Love is useless. Wine is useless. Art is the love and wine of life. It is the extra, without which life is not worth living.

An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.

I'm fat because I'm greedy, and if my mind is fat it's because I'm curious.