I know I'm not a woman's fantasy man; I don't have to uphold this image of male beauty, so that's kind of a relief in a way.

I had a friend who, after 25 years of marriage, found himself trying to date again, and it was completely different. Everything had changed, and he had to reacquaint himself. It was funny even talking to him about it. For someone who has been out of the loop, it’s a different world.

There's very little you could do to prepare to be a correspondent on The Daily Show, because it's not being a journalist, it's not being an actor. It involves elements of both of those things, but they're not required necessarily as job experience. It's helpful if you know how to improvise, but again, not a requirement.

One person with the ability of half a person doing the work of four people.

Do not to be as shy around girls, because they're probably just as shy and just as scared as you are.

Do I want to be feared or loved? That's a good question. I want both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

If we were meant to read for enjoyment, would God have created television? Read as it was intended - for exercise. The more you read, the more you expand your - what's the word I'm looking for? - your stockpile of words. You must have a stockpile of words that you can pass along to your children for their stockpile.