High school – those are your prime suffering years. They don’t get better suffering than that.

You project a version of yourself to the public to protect and insulate yourself a little bit. Actors come up with a version of themselves in order to protect the real person.

This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.

Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and I have a great one. 'Little Kid Lover.' That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

I play the baritone horn - which is like a mini tuba, and is the least sexy instrument you can choose and I generally say I don’t play one so I don’t have to acknowledge it. I also play fife.

Goalies almost never get credit for winning a game, but they always get blamed for losing a game.

Do not to be as shy around girls, because they're probably just as shy and just as scared as you are.