To parents who find a child's disclosure about sexual or gender identity challenging, I always urge what I'd call "moderated" honesty. If you can't say "I love you," then say something like, "I'm going to need some time to digest this news." Buy time this way. And then think.

Calling a trans person by their former name is referred to as "deadnaming" and is considered highly offensive to most trans people I know.

When someone transitions you should refer to them by their new name both in the present and with references back in time.

Too many people think that "good manners" are about subjugating yourself to others. Not true. Respect, and just as important, self-respect are two key elements in this equation.

I think identity issues have their place in the workplace, less so personal behaviors.

From my vantage point, when I'm criticized in a way that I can hear what's being said - i.e., the issues - I'm more likely to listen and respond. A lot of the personal email I receive consists of name calling; I'll write back and say: Talk to me like I'm a person and you're a person and tell me where you disagree with me. I can't tell you how that turns people upside down. More often than not they write back with an apology and a reasoned argument.

I really don't understand how parents can talk about gay couples' PDA as a problem or a transgender teen's suicide and not the fact that too many of our kids are being murdered in the schools and on the streets.