Good to know that if I ever need attention all I have to do is die.

I decided I would put off the novel until I had gone to Europe and had a lover, and that I would never learn a word of shorthand. If I never learned shorthand I would never have to use it.

Eternity bores me, I never wanted it.

Strange, when one thinks of all the other boys, infinite experimental kisses, test tube infatuations, crushes, pseudo-loves. All through this physical separation, through the testing and the trying of the others, there has been this peculiar rapport, comradeship, of us two so alike, so similar, but for science-boy and humanities-girl - the introspection, self examination, biannual deep summarizing conversations, and then the platonic parting.

The slime of all my yesterdays rots in the hollow of my skull.

I need not to be more with others, but to be more & more deeply, richly alone. Recreating worlds.

And the danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness