I want to be important. By being different. And these girls are all the same.

I wondered what I thought I was burying.

Last year a friend went dark in a nervous city alone, the sea flashing against his glasses, the sea sorted out at last in his inner ear so he could leave this world as he'd entered it through the undependable irrational influence of water. -Kevin Jeffery Clark It was as if what I wanted to kill wasn't in that skin or the thin blue pulse that jumped under my thumb, but somewhere else, deeper, more secret, and a whole lot harder to get at.

I have never found anybody who could stand to accept the daily demonstrative love I feel in me, and give back as good as I give.

My wanting to write books annihilates the original root impulse that would have me bravely and blunderingly working on them.

Doing all the little tricky things it takes to grow up, step by step, into an anxious and unsettling world.

All I want is blackness. Blackness and silence.