You mean to say that when an imbecile walks into a church, office, day care center, or school, stumbling about, almost zombie-like, with gun-filled hands at his side, blabbering incoherently to his next victim, the reaction of grown men and women is to run, cry, whimper, and hide under a desk or pew? The sheeping of America is nearly complete.

I don't like repeat offenders; I like dead offenders.

Jerry [Garcia] got high and Jerry's dead. I went hunting and I'm still Ted.

Ignorance is indeed bliss, but it is also dangerous and embarrassing.

I don't objectify women. I'd like to think that I'm optimizing their hardware.

I'd like to have James Brown as my singer. I already have the best drummer, Tommy Clufetos. I've jammed a bunch with John Entwistle, and it was like a musical orgy. That guy is a living, breathing, grunting rhythm. For horns, let's go with the Stax/Volt guys, and I'm going to have Steve Cropper on standby just in case I want a rhythm guitarist.

I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop.