Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

Ninety percent of most magic merely consists of knowing one extra fact.

Your whole life passes in front of your eyes before you die. This is called living.

Gods prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight To Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was gayer than a treeful of monkeys on nitrous oxide.

I wouldn't trust you with a bucket of water if my knickers were on fire!