Incidentally, it's best not to argue with the nursing staff. I find the best course of action is to throw some chocolates in one direction and hurry off in the other while their attention is distracted.

Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. "Hi," Nigel read aloud, "Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity."

It is possibly worth mentioning at this point that Mr. Young thought that paparazzi was a kind of Italian linoleum.

The wages of sin is death but so is the salary of virtue, and at least the evil get to go home early on Fridays.

Hat = wizard, wizard = hat. Everything else is frippery.

I'm interested in mythology generally, but India has no special place in my heart - although Hindu gods seem a lot more fun.

Jesus won't cut you off before you're through With him you won't never get a crossed line, And when your bill comes it'll all be properly itemised He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life. The phone line to the saviour's always free of interference He's in at any hour, day or night And when you call J-E-S-U-S you always call toll-free He's the telephone repairman on the switchboard of my life.