A man’s best friend is a good wife.

Results? Why, man, I have gotten lots of results! If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is often a step forward.

An average American loves his family. If he has any love left over for some other person, he generally selects Mark Twain.

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.

I failed my way to success.

I have not failed. I have successfully discovered 1200 ideas that don't work.

Religion is all bunk.