Whether you're in the water staring up at a looming set or standing in front of 15000 people at a demo, you have to manufacture some courage and a sense of optimism in order to get through the moment, the day, the rest of your life.

It's funny, but you never really think much about breathing. Until it's all you ever think about.

I just sit here and tell the story as though I can't help it. There's always something in the day that reminds me, that sets me off all hot and guilty and scared and rambling and wistful, like I am now.

Optimism is necessary even if you don't instinctively feel it.

I was in my thirties before I learnt that I too would prefer not to see what I could no longer have

What I'm saying so badly is we're bred now to believe we're in control and should be in control.

Surfers are the canaries down the mine. Those of us who surf spend more time than anyone soaking in whatever the sea has become. We're suspended in consequences, you might say.