Happiness is getting a brown gravy stain on a brown dress.

Happiness is getting a brown gravy stain on a brown dress.

I exercise daily to keep my figure. I keep patting my hand against the bottom of my chin. It works too. I have the thinnest fingers in town.

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

Shirley Temple had charisma as a child. But it cleared up as an adult.

I break all the rules and wear everything. Ruffles, ostrich feathers, fox coats. You look fat in fox anyway, so if you start fat, you only look a little fatter.

I've waited all my life to say this... I weigh less than Elizabeth Taylor!