I have discovered that sitting still leaves little spaces for the grief to get in, so I stay busy.

Stiff. That’s why you’re strong, get it? - Tobias Eaton

I do trust you, is what I want to say. But it isn't true -- I didn't trust him to love me despite the terrible things I had done. I don't trust anyone to do that, but that isn't his problem; it's mine.

Four grabs a bar with each hand and pulls himself up, easy, like he's sitting up in bed. But he is not comfortable or natural here--- every muscle in his arm stands out. it is a stupid thing for me to think when I am one hundred feet off the ground.

He should be the one to die, part of me thinks. I don't want to lose him, another part argues. I don't know which part to believe.

Sometimes I just... want to see it again. Want to see you awake.

When I look at the Abnegation lifestyle as an outsider, I think it’s beautiful. When I watch my family move in harmony; when we go to dinner parties and everyone cleans together afterward without having to be asked; when I see Caleb help strangers carry their groceries, I fall in love with this life all over again.