I forgot my watch. Minutes or hours later, when the panic subsides, that is what I most regret. Not coming here in the first place - that seemed like an obvious choice - but my bare wrist, which makes it impossible for me to know how long I have been sitting in this room. My back aches, which is some indication, but it is not definite enough.

I wish I could say I felt guilty for what I did. I don't.

Christina,'i say,'The factionless have all the guns.

You can't be fearless, remember? Because you still care about things. About your life.

You're the one who has to live with your choice, everyone else will get over it, move on, no matter what you decide. But you never will

My body rises with the water. Instead of kicking my feet to stay abreast of it, I push all the air from my lungs and sink to the bottom. The water muffles my ears. I feel its movement over my face. I think about snorting the water into my lungs so it kills me faster, but I can't bring myself to do it. I blow bubbles from my mouth. Relax. I close my eyes. My lungs burn.

Maybe I was afraid to trust him with something so personal as my devotion.