It's grueling never knowing if the audience is going to think you're funny. It's soul-destroying when they don't laugh.

I happen to know everything there is to know about maple syrup! I love maple syrup. I love maple syrup on pancakes. I love it on pizza. And I take maple syrup and put a little bit in my hair when I've had a rough week. What do you think holds it up, slick?

If an ordinary person parks outside another ordinary person's house for a week, it's considered stalking. If, however, that person is considered newsworthy, it's perfectly legal for paparazzi to do the same thing.

If I'm not interested in a woman, I'm straight-forward. Right after sex, I usually say, 'I can't do this anymore. Thanks for coming over!'

It's nice when people are passionate about something, and it's always better when they let the subject tell the story, more so then when you can tell people are trying to get their own philosophy into it.

Whenever you're scared of something, don't let that define you. We all feel it, but step up.

It's grueling never knowing if the audience is going to think you're funny. It's soul-destroying when they don't laugh.