"Do you like card tricks?" "No, I hate card tricks," I answered. "Well, I`ll just show you this one." He showed me three.

I'd sooner be smashed into a mangled pulp by a bus when we cross the street than look forward to a life like yours.

Comedy appeals to the collective mind of the audience and this grows fatigued; while farce appeals to a more robust organ, their collective belly.

Writing is the supreme solace.

I'm afraid you've thought me a bigger fool than I am.

The humour of Dostoievsky is the humour of a barloafer who ties a kettle to a dog's tail.

The spirit is often most free when the body is satiated with pleasure; indeed, sometimes the stars shine more brightly seen from the gutter than from the hilltop.