I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.

I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

I did some pretty embarrassing modeling, like catalogs and QVC. I know there's probably a stereotype where all pretty girls think they're unattractive, but modeling is the worst thing for your self-esteem, because you're never pretty enough, you're never thin enough.

I don't want to look at myself - ever. All I see is that my face is a problem. It's asymmetrical. I get terrible bags under my eyes.

I have so much to be thankful for. I work with the most amazing people, get to make people laugh for a living and have the most amazing friends. But, I am mostly thankful for Spanx.

I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot young thing, I'm probably not the first person on their list - the weird, quirky, funny girl.

Saying women aren't funny is now like saying Asians can't drive or saying black people have bad credit. It's just really, like, so obsolete.