We're comic. We're all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.

There is nothing more distressing or tiresome than a writer standing in front of an audience and reading his work.

How some of the writers I come across get through their books without dying of boredom is beyond me.

I mean why should somebody go steal and break the law to get all they can when there's always some law where you can be legal and get it all anyway!

What's any artist, but the dregs of his work? the human shambles that follows it around. What's left of the man when the work's done but a shambles of apology.

He walked out into the cold morning asking himself this heretical question: Can you start measuring a minute at any instant you wish?

If you want to make a million you don't have to understand money, what you have to understand is people's fears about money