Human greatness is a rather difficult thing to account for, and more often than not one is mistaken in one's hunches about somebody one has met.

All comedians are people who really deeply consider the human experience not only a dirty trick perpetrated by a totally meaningless procedure of accidents, but an unbearable ordeal every day, which can be made tolerable only by mockery in one form or another.

I used to throw things out, saying, 'This isn't great.' It didn't occur to me that it didn't have to be great.

If you give to a thief he cannot steal from you, and he is no longer a thief.

Cowards are nice, they're interesting, they're gentle, they wouldn't think of shooting down people in a parade from a tower. They want to live, so they can see their kids. They're very brave.

Christmas is sights, especially the sights of Christmas reflected in the eyes of a child.

I can't hate for long. It isn't worth it.