If you’re alive, you can’t be bored in San Francisco. If you’re not alive, San Francisco will bring you to life.

Americans still believe they are cut out to be successful-in everything: love, love-making, luck, luck-giving, money-making, sense-making, cancer-avoiding, clothes-wearing, car-driving, and so on.

All comedians are people who really deeply consider the human experience not only a dirty trick perpetrated by a totally meaningless procedure of accidents, but an unbearable ordeal every day, which can be made tolerable only by mockery in one form or another.

When I began to wait to live I really began to wait to die.

If you give to a thief he cannot steal from you, and he is no longer a thief.

The Tax Collector's letters are invariably mimeographed, and all they say is that you still haven't paid him.

San Francisco is a world to explore. It is a place where the heart can go on a delightful adventure.