I still secretly believe that afternoons are the time for the test card and you shouldn't watch television when the sun is out.

There were moments when I wondered at the gossamer veil that stops licence from being libel. I suspect that taking on the job of England manager puts you outside the protection of the courts. It must be part of the job description that you will be held hostage by media speculation and can have your character tortured, molested and finally executed at the public whim, in exchange for a lifetime's supply of money.

The reason that chefs become chefs is that they're not allowed into rooms with windows.

Nobody ever forgets their first night in the bush. It's among the precious, meagre handful of life firsts that remain indelible.

Television gives us the gift to see ourselves as we'd like to be seen.

Facts are what pedantic, dull people have instead of opinions.

The interesting adults are always the school failures, the weird ones, the losers, the malcontents, this isn’t wishful thinking. It’s the rule.