I don't know anyone who's going to see Grind 22 times in the theater. My mom. Some kid who has short-term memory loss and forgot that he's seen it.

Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.

You know, you're a great barbecuetionist.

Comic books aren't nerdy. You'd have to be an idiot to think computers are nerdy.

I started drinking Scotch just to be a man.

Most of the time, my favorite drama has comedy in it as well. I think most good dramas have comedy in there. And all of the dramatic actors I look up to are also very funny.

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.