For the gentle werelibrarian, who's strictly vegetarian, there's nothing like Tofillager the MEATLESS TOFU VILLAGER

The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much.

I was the funny, outgoing kid who didn't understand how he could keep getting mistaken for a nerd nobody liked.

What part of Canada are you from, honey?" "THE LEFT PART," said Jay.

I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G." "Sausages.

Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.

Can I see some ID?" "WE DON'T HAVE ID," said Jay, loudly. "'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN." Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.