In the oasis complex, the thirsty man images he sees water, palm trees, and shade not because he has evidence for the belief, but because he has a need for it. Desperate needs bring about a hallucination of their solution: thirst hallucinates water, the need for love hallucinates a prince or princess. The oasis complex is never a complete delusion: the man in the desert does see something on the horizon. It is just that the palms have withered, the well is dry, and the place is infected with locusts.

Forgiveness requires a sense that bad behaviour is a sign of suffering rather than malice.

I learnt to stop fantasising about the perfect job or the perfect relationship because that can actually be an excuse for not living.

The telephone becomes an instrument of torture in the demonic hands of a beloved who doesn't call.

He was a volatile mixture of confidence and vulnerability. He could deliver extended monologues on professional matters, then promptly stop in his tracks to peer inquisitively into his guest's eyes for signs of boredom or mockery, being intelligent enough to be unable fully to believe in his own claims to significance. He might, in a past life, have been a particularly canny and sharp-tongued royal advisor.

One of the better guarantors of ending up in a good relationship: an advanced capacity to be alone.

The more dignity is widely and freely available in a society, the less people want to be famous.