I saw someone peeing in Jermym Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply someone peeing in Jermyn Street?

We were put to Dickens as children but it never quite took. That unremitting humanity soon had me cheesed off.

One recipe for happiness is to have to sense of entitlement.' To this she added a star and noted at the bottom of the page: 'This is not a lesson I have ever been in a position to learn.

Children always assume the sexual lives of their parents come to a grinding halt at their conception.

History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.

Were we closer to the ground as children, or is the grass emptier now?

Of course my standards are out of date! That's why they're called standards.