It [Cambridge] wasn't a holy grail in the sense that I'd never been to Cambridge. But then, when I did go, the contrast between Leeds, which was very black and sooty in those days, and Cambridge, which seemed like something out of a fairystory, in the grip of a hard frost, was just wonderful.

Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.

I'm all in favour of free expression provided it's kept rigidly under control.

God doesn't do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, "Can I be excused the Crucifixion?" No!

There's very little in the substance of [THE LADY IN THE VAN] which is not fact though some adjustments have had to be made. Over the years Miss Shepherd was visited by a succession of social workers so the character in the play is a composite figure. . . . A composite too are the neighbours, Pauline and Rufus, though I have made Rufus a publisher in remembrance of my neighbour, the late Colin Haycraft, the proprietor of Duckworth's.

So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.

Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.