I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.
Alan CarrWhat am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!
Alan CarrWhen I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.
Alan Carr'Civilians' is a term I love. It's what Elizabeth Hurley used to describe people who weren't on TV.
Alan Carr